Mistakes

This is from a scene in ‘P.S I Love You’, when Jerry is carrying Holly like a monkey wrapped around his torso and they are about to make monkey love, following conversation ensues:

Holly: … I don’t want to make mistakes Jerry.

Jerry: Well, you're in the wrong species, love. Be a duck.

Isn’t that the biggest comfort of all that you can make mistake because you are human and there is somebody out there who is ready to vouch for that? Where else is that possible other than us humans? It makes me wonder, do we make these mistakes because we are humans or it is these mistakes that make us human. If we go by the former argument, it is an old adage and kind of a lame excuse for being clumsy while the later has a kind of positive aura to it that helps us understand that we humans have the privilege of not having to prove to someone of being perfect, that way we can make as many honest mistakes as we want to as long as we are making them with heart. I think it is amazing to be given the freedom of making a mistake, trying something without caring what its outcome is going to be and not being forced to do everything right the first time every time. Right from when we kids, we are taught winning is everything, there is no place for coming second, doing your best or doing something different if you do not succeed. In fact people go to the length so say that, ‘If you tried doing anything and fail, erase every trace that you even tried’. It is these people, the bigoted worshippers of success who later on criticize that there is a lack of creativity among the youth while what they do not understand is that fear of failing and the courage to innovate can not co exist in the same mind. John Lennon said that ‘time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted,’ but its also true that we know him only once he became famous. Neither is winning, nor having the desire to win a wrong thing. Its just we need to go a little easy on our outlook towards life and our expectations out of it. Some people want to win, other just want to live and be happy. If we just let them be so and not force our expectations on them, maybe they will come up something that will make life better for all. To explain further I will use an anecdote by none other than the master himself.

’When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.’

- John Lennon.

The End….

We never leave this trail of dots after The End. Maybe, its ever done at the end of a movie, the audience might assume the crap just didn’t end here and go into a coma. Sometimes the only good thing in a bad movie is the feeling of relief that just like all bad things this too has an ending. In fact all those clichéd motivational quotes like ‘there is bright dawn after the darkest of nights’ must be inspired from such movies. I can imagine this corollary to the moment when the lights are turned on after the credits start rolling and the audience gets up from their seats and with the a great smile on their face as if they just survived the ‘Judgment Day’.

Why are we so enchanted with ending, always vying for the big finish? No doubt that endings are necessary and they often leave a very lasting impression on us, sometimes even when we don’t want to but still I think some endings should be ‘smooth’, so smooth that we won’t even realize that there has been an ending. Something like its just erased from our life and minds once and for all and all we know is that it never existed in that first place. Wish some endings were just that easy. But in real life, letting things go, especially the ones close to you is very hard. And no amount of practice or preparation can help you here as every time its going to hurt the very same if not more. Every time you will wish it to end swift and smooth and trust me, it never will.

Somebody suggested me that getting attached is bad, but what else is there if you are not attached. Isn't being unattached to anything like a piece of stone falling down a hill. But it still ends the very same place and with the same impact. Apart from the uninteresting metaphor above all I don’t want to be like a stone- dull and lifeless. Pain is good for me if it makes me feel alive. All I hope that I get through this and come out alive although it doesn't looks easy now from where I am but "I'll Survive".

Wise and Otherwise

The things that bring the most joy in our life are usually the ones which we always tend to miss rather ignore intentionally assuming that they are too trivial to actually make any difference. But just imagine if we were not able to enjoy these simple pleasures like having a glass of cold drink in scorching heat, or just a nice word of advice in the right direction when we are lost by someone we don’t regard much. I too am just like that, neglecting the simple occasions to be happy which come my way and always rushing myself towards what seems to be the bigger goal. I have missed so much in this mad gold rush that it’s worrying me that when I actually wake up from all of it, will I be able to smile over the war won or cry because of the kingdom lost? I guess this was what happened to Ashoka after he invaded the otherwise peaceful empire of Kalinga. He must have realized that land means nothing until it’s inhabited by life; power is of no use until it’s used for someone’s well being and money is dust if it cannot bring happiness into ones life.

I was reading a great book by Sudha Murty, trustee of the Infosys Foundation and wife of Narayan Murty, named “Wise and Otherwise”. It’s a collection of short memoirs which she has described as anecdotes. There she has very well illustrated that if we are observant enough and ready to learn, life teaches us great lessons in very obvious situations and they can be funny, touching, humiliating or all at the same time but are usually a treasure trove of knowledge. For example, in one of the anecdotes she tells about an elderly tribal, completely oblivious of anything that happens outside his jungle hamlet but he is happy and content because he knows that we cannot live fighting with life. We must accept ourselves and our surroundings and make the best out of them which would be a very fitting lesson for people with migratory attitudes. I liked the way she perceives things and then expresses it in words on paper without imposing her own ideologies or philosophy and let you think for you own. Being the inspiration behind this blog I would like to recommend it to all, not as a light read but something with great take home value.

Once I myself told to a group of people that there is more life in every moment than there are moments in a life but somehow I failed to understand the very crux of it. It’s not about how long you live or how well settled you are, its about how well you live, its about how do you feel at the end of the day. And this can only be understood once we begin to take life as it is and live in moments while keeping our eyes on the ‘Big Picture’. A few days ago in a TV program, I heard if we can be non-judgmental for one hour every day for a start. The lady there was asking just to be content with ones life and we can begin by trying not to be judgmental about any thing or person in our life just for an hour. The exercise is about being happy with life as it comes; it’s about not whining and complaining about every aspect of life no matter how bad it is. Most of the times we do not have control of our situation and for the ones we do, we waste our time whining about it instead of trying to mend it. It should not be mistaken with being complacent, that would be a loser’s excuse for inactivity. Rather it’s about making most of our life while we have it. John Lenon said “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans”, I think this should sound like a death knell to all our worries, not because they will not come as we go on with our lives, rather we will not accept to be their prey and find happiness what we got and spread what we have left and believe me, then you will never fall short of it.

Shattered Hearts

To tell apart a heart

And any piece of glass around

Is that when the former breaks

It doesn’t even make a sound

I think all the crumbling relations I see around me made me come up with those lines. I guess it’s the phase of life when most of us have come to a point where everyone is getting so far from the other; is what causing this mass separation effect. Recently I have come across a number of cases where people are disgusted with what their personal lives have been turned into and are so desperate that instead of getting things sorted, most of them just want all of it to end. It’s like all the flavor and spice that once filled their lives got lost somewhere and all that remains is dry, sordid and unsavory issues which has brought them as a couple to a dead end. It’s the turning point of life where the question is not if one can go back or forth it’s that they don’t want to go anywhere but apart and it pains me to see all this. For most of these are not some fortnight Romeo and Juliet, hopping from one relationship to another, they are sincere people who had a very clear idea of where they are going to take their lives to and they made no mistakes in choosing their steps to align with their dreams. Then what made everything go so wrong?

I am just too distressed of how my life has shaping out to do a research on the lives of others. Insomnia is eating my brain out and if I do get a wink of sleep, I wake up each time so dead and frustrated that I am more than happy not to sleep at all. Work is a necessary liability hence attending office is a routine which must not be broken. On such day in office, a small team event was organised for us and we were playing along when a guy friend of mine, who was taking an active part in the event received a call. He went outside to attend to it but didn’t return and as teams do; we quickly rearranged ourselves so that his presence was not felt till the whole thing ended. Next day, when I was with the same friend and were discussing about our future and which course of action we should take, the conversation drifted to women and how all the women in our lives tend to get so demanding of us (no offense but sometimes, during our not-that-jolly state of mind we do think like that). Grasping the opportunity and situation, I just burst up ranting about how miserable my personal life had become and how much I would like to get things straight if I knew how. I knew he was having troubles in making his mother and girlfriend to agree with each other (for guys this is the biggest problem we face our entire life) and finally it all ended when his mother gave the ultimate threat that he will have to choose between his family and his girlfriend and if he chooses the later, he will have to sever all relations with the former. He did as we all are expected to do, he told the poor girl how helpless he was and she reacted as she was expected to by not accepting it. I don’t want to negate the opinion of elders for there are things visible only to their experienced eyes, but after this I can sense a storm brewing inside him revolting the very rules that he has abided by for so long and still does.

He was there, sitting calm and listening to me. And it was then as if his bottled emotions bubbled up and he told me that the call yesterday was from his girlfriend whom he has not been talking to since two months (it’s not a very long time but after talking on a daily basis for two years, these two months does feel like a lifetime). She had called to inform him that she was getting engaged to a doctor next week and after that he should never try to call her. In fact she will change her contact number even thought she is getting married in the very same city. My friend assured her that she can be at peace as he will never attempt anything such and for this she doesn’t to change her contact number. Her reply to this took my breath away. She retorted that she was not afraid that he might call her and it might cause a row with her in-laws rather she was concerned that since he has her number, she will be waiting for his call every moment of every day even after knowing that he would never call as she had forbidden him to. Hearing this made all my problems in life so puny and hollow. I knew he was in much more pain than I could have imagined but I found myself totally incapable to consoling him, in fact for a moment I envied him for having to spend some time with someone whose feelings for him were so pure.

Time brought us back to our real lives as there was duty calling two floors below. We both told each other that let life take its course, maybe things with sort out or else the dust of time will fill these wounds and make them less painful, but till then we have to choice but to collect pieces of our shattered heart and repair them, for maybe we might need it again.

Remorse

When life throws challenges at us, we can face it. We can take a stand and fight back. We know that road to anything worth achieving has always been tough and we ought to be strong to survive it. We all do it but the sometimes the difficulties arise due to our own mistakes, rather stupid short sighted decisions that we made in the past. Most of the times these decisions are made considering the best option available at that time but sometimes we are just too weak to choose correctly. We let our emotions take control of us and like lambs to we follow them to our peril. And when we know that, these difficulties become insurmountable. Its not the situation which is beyond your control but your guilt that why did we get weak at that very moment.

Its said that its in the moments of great pleasure or pain that a man shows his true nature. In one such moment we became weak and its consequences are what we are facing now. Each one of us has to bear the consequences of our actions without fail or exceptions. The results may be late or in some other form but if you look with an unbiased eye, what ever happens to you is a direct or indirect result of choices you have made earlier. There is just no room to be stupid in life for it never forgives any of our mistakes. People say that we are stupid when young. I doubt if there is any phase of our life when we are not stupid. During childhood we are stupid because of innocence, when we are young we are stupid under passion and confidence, believing that we can take over the world. A little while later, when we are struggling with our lives and our family we are stupid out of greed and as we grow old we are made stupid by ego. Stupidity comes with age or with the attitude of that particular age.

In each stage we make mistakes and have to suffer the outcome but I believe that God forgives the once we commit during childhood out of innocence. For rest, there is always a payback time. And then, when that time comes, we begin to contemplate what went wrong. As soon as the reality sinks in and we realize the mistake and how stupid we have been by letting ourselves become puppets at the hands of short term pleasures, remorse takes over. Our conscience is scarred and nothing can wipe it clean now, not for the rest of your life. Its going to haunt you and torture your soul every living moment in this world. You cannot hide from it, run away or get rid of it. Not amount of good deed now can help you forgive yourself. You wish all this has never happened and you had been as strong as you otherwise believe yourself to be, but what’s been done cannot be undone. There is no rewind button in life. Confessions do help but you have to make sure that just to make your feel a little relieved, your confession might not become another stupid mistake which you repent committing later.

All you can do is live with it. Repeating it is literally out of question as no moment passes when you can forget it. But let it make a better person out of you and spread the goodness that has come into you after all this. This will not lessen your guilt but in the end when the time to go does come, you can be at peace with yourself that you are going to get relieved from the agony that you have suffered for so long and now everything is in HIS hands. Have faith in his judgment and its your only redemption, your last resort.

Sorry

Love is never having to say you are sorry.. it sounds beautiful, it is beautiful, straight from the most read ever romance classic: Love Story by Eric Seagal. I read it recently and the idea struck me that there might be times when I want to say I am sorry. Maybe when I want her to know that all the pains and sufferings she has received because of me has given me more suffering than her. The very knowledge that I cause the only person that means to me more than anything in this world had to shed a tear because of me tears my heart apart and I want to say sorry for that. There maybe times when I want to say sorry to assure her that in the future she will never have to suffer again. I will just not let that happen. I might want to sorry so that I can lay open my heart in front of her and she can understand the veracity of my feelings for her and rest assured that I will love her always as I do now and more. Maybe at times I want to say sorry for her to know that I will be there by her side in all thick and thin and she will never have to go along anything alone.

Just then I realize, Eric Seagal must have felt that way too.. how can he go about living a life without ever having to say sorry to anyone he truly loved? Can anyone avoid not doing anything even unintentionally which one way or other hurts a person dear to him or her? And once the other person is hurt, don’t you feel like saying ‘sorry’ rather begging to be forgiven. How can anyone’s conscience allow not saying sorry to someone you really care for. Its then I realized that he might not have meant anything literally, maybe it has a more subtle tone and its not what it obviously means. To me Eric Seagal must have referred to repentance. I believe he portrayed the situation when a loving couple who had lived happily all along suddenly cannot even stand each other. He meant that if you ever loved a person you should never repent to have met her, known her and then vowed to be one with her. If you love a person, his face should never have to look disgusting to you nor his voice. When you love someone you should never have to repent your decision to stay together for the rest of your life and wish to go back in time to ‘fix’ things for even once. If you love someone and you are with the very same person, what can be better than that? In that case which problem between you two cannot be taken care of and resolved. When you love someone, how can you ever imagine a life without the each other and not dread when that actually happens?

I guess the epitome of Love Story is to realize that love will make everything straight but first you need to ‘LOVE’ and if you do, you never have to be ‘SORRY’.

Experiance Matters

I would be lying if I say that I like my work, nobody likes to do what they have to do. To me WORK is “War On Repressed Kinds” where we are the ones on the wrong end of the hammer. I am sure even the workaholics wouldn’t work so hard if they were not addicted to it. But sometimes good things do happen to you at work like hooking up with your Boss’s secretary. No kidding, usually people are not so benevolent towards praising their Boss behind their back but today I observed something which has made me admire him a lot than before.

For an overview, I would say that my boss is a BOSS by all normal conventions. Definitely not the tyrant ‘Hari Sado’ in the Naukri.com ad but yes he is a no nonsense kind of person. You just cannot mess around with him at all. Rest I would say that he likes to get the work done as best as possible even if it means that we grow roots after spending long hours at the workstation but in case we need some assistance he is ready to help us out. I think I have been flattering enough to get a few good points in my appraisal but I would better get to the point.

Today, a meeting was called to present our suggestions to the Boss to enhance a toolkit we have been using in our project. We all fresh joiners had prepared the draft guided by a senior colleague and I began to give the presentation. I was just not ready for that as we thought that the senior would be presenting the ideas and we will be there to explain and discuss it further if required but he just passed on the baton to me and said ‘start’. Usually I am not very short on ideas and hence I dived straight into it with one which was basically my brainchild. Soon I realised that maybe for some reason I was not going exactly where I wanted to and the examples I quoted weren't of much help either, but quitting is not something I am in favor of. Hence I stuck to my guns and kept selling my idea. All this while, he was there, so attentive and in the present that you can feel that he is grasping every word spoken and analysing it at a lot more finer levels than you would ever know.

As freshers, we are usually of the dreamy kind. We come up with all those rosy ideas and magnificent changes that we can bring in, but what we fail to realise id that our lack of experience makes us take off from ground reality, flying much higher than we should be and that’s exactly what happened there. Our ideas were original, some of them were good too, but they all lack the practicality and that is where Boss’s years of experience came in handy. He was there all the time listening and asking very brief and direct questions and expected similar answers. Instead we still had that college hangover on us and kept on answering the way we used to in our Viva exams and his expressions to them had ‘don’t-give-me-this-nonsense’ written all over it. But he was really kind enough to listen to us, and then he took charge and modified what ever we were presenting, adding things which were crucial but we had completely missed them. Once we thought about it, we realised that without those inputs by Boss, our ideas would have been quite absurd and no way would they have been approved. Somehow, we understood that no amount of intelligence or ideas can match up to an experience tested in fire and seasoned by time.

Its going to take sometime before we can have the skills of Boss and then maybe these things would come naturally to us as it does to him. Till then, I can say that even by observing a person like that we can know what we ought to be to get ahead and strive towards it one step at a time.